Confidence in the teen should start being built in childhood

It is not easy to master fear and allow the teenager walk on their own feet. The need to remove the child from the dangers of the world can lead some parents to act in a paranoid way, discouraging their autonomy. But how to know if the child be trusted?

According to Vera Zimmermann psychologist, coordinator of Create (Childhood Reference Center and Adolescence) UNIFESP (Federal University of São Paulo), building trust takes from childhood. "Parents have two main functions, to the sense of belonging to the child, showing that it is accepted by the family, and at the same time develop their autonomy, so you can walk alone," he says.

For Vera, although the protection is necessary, both in childhood and in adolescence, should not overlap the year of independence. "The ideal is to combine care with opportunities for the child to develop in a gradual and supervised manner. For example, you can allow it to go to a party, but with some time to come back and with the combination of call if something happens, "he says.

According to the expert, one of the most common mistakes parents make is to send discouraging messages, passing to the child the idea that it will be on your own if something goes wrong in your initiative. "That's when they say that the child can go to play in the friend's house, but if they fall, do not come crying. Father and mother have to say otherwise. Go, take care and if required, call to be here. "

According Marilda Novaes Lipp, cognitive-behavioral psychologist and author of "The Adolescent and its Dilemmas" (Papirus publisher), the young need emotional space to experiment and learn how to deal with the challenges of the adult world. "The balance between setting limits and give freedom was always a dilemma between parents and children. It is necessary to establish clear rules of conduct and be careful to protect their children from dangerous situations, such as drug use, drunk driving or sexual promiscuity, "he says.

The psychologist says parents should be careful not to enter into a journey of paranoia, distrust and others watching, especially when there is no reason for this. "An intense supervision and persecutory only leads the young to rebel. Trusting the child is essential, with caution. The ideal is to keep the dialogue open since childhood, so when it comes to teens, there is no need to watch. "

Another attitude that should be avoided by parents is never give reason to the son of habit. "Parents must validate the views of children, even if they do not agree with it and should never doubt of success and their ability. They should, instead, encourage them, guide them, support them, showing who believe in their ability to succeed in life, "says Marilda.

For her, when the dialogue is cultivated from an early age, children become allies of the parents because they know they will receive support in difficult situations. "I recommend, however, to pay special attention to companies because, as adolescence is the period when young people test values ​​may occur to adopt, even temporarily, the behavior of friends."

In the opinion of Vera, invasive parents show not built with confidence to trust with the children. "They feel that they failed in their job as parents and are always thinking about what will happen a disgrace." Another possibility is designing the children's own experience, but the result of excessive surveillance can be quite harmful. "If there is a lot of invasion, the tendency is to hidden," says Vera Zimmermann.

extreme situations, however, require responsible adult intervention. Even if it means searching the backpack, cell or monitor closely. This happens when the bond of trust has been broken and the teenager is showing signs that something is not right, changing behavior. "There are times when the trial exceeds the limit and it takes an adult on the scene and contain" he says.

For Marilda, in some situations, it is better to supervise than being negligent. "I know where the teenager was furious with surveillance because he was using drugs and did not want the parents found out. Despite the revolt of the young, that enabled him to receive help. "